What being a Fat Woman is Really Like.....Cosmo Questions - My response

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Hey Lovelies, 
Yesterday I saw a tweet from Claire asking if people fancied doing a post on the back of an article on the cosmo website. I had a quick scan of the questions more than the answers and thought, actually I do fancy answering the questions so this post was born. 
Myself and a number of other bloggers are going to answer the cosmo questions and let you know what our replies would be. 
How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?

It doesn't bother me really, if they are feeling fat then they are feeling fat. Even the fatest fatty has a fat day. I often don't know how to respond because when you tell someone they're not fat they don't take it on board, or you give them a look well if you're fat what am I (Still fat BTW) and they don't know where to look. If someone is feeling fat I leave them too it.
How has your body image changed since high school? College? 
I'm not totally sure it has, I've always been the biggest or one of the biggest girls in my school, class, work, friends group so I guess it's the norm. I've always shown my arms, wore colour, boob tubes, bikini's I guess as i've got older you start to hear more and more comments and snide remarks and I find it easier to let them roll off me.

Have you tried dieting? What happened? 
I've never been one for fad diets, I've never tried diet pills, shakes and soups or anything like the southbeach diet, Aitkens etc etc
I have been a member of weightwaters more times that we've all had hot dinners and I am currently a member, however I haven't been to a meeting in week and not counted a point since before Christmas. In all my attempts at weightwatchers I have never lost more that 27lbs. 
I did join Slimming world about 5 years ago and lost 3 stone and I felt so much better and more confident, I went from a size 22/4 to a 18/20. I felt far more healthy than I had done previously which I think was due to eating a better quality of food, more meals prepared from scratch rather than prepacked and snacking on fruit and veg. However something went wrong and I couldn't (wouldn't) stick to it, I found myself "cheating" I lost and gained the same 3lbs week in week out for about 4 months then decided to quit. I've put on everything I lost plus around another half stone (if not more) 
I'm not unhappy as I am now, but I don't feel great about myself. I am above maximum weight for my body and my body alone. 
Reading this back I think part of the stopping when I felt happy, was part of me was scared to be happy and scared that people thought I was getting arrogant and I was always the one in the background blending in (or sticking out from behind and the side) but not having attention and suddenly it was there and I didn't like it (or I liked it a bit too much)
Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?

Not really, my family is fairly small and for the most part people are average size (what is average) (and I need to stop using brackets) I think environmental influenced take their part, I am an emotional eater, or shall we say and eater. 
I eat no matter what my emotional state is, I'm also really bad for not feeling full so I continue to eat. 
I also thing the ease of getting food. From my bus stop to work I walk past between 2-4 supermarkets, between 3-5 Greggs bakeries not to mention various coffee shops, fast food outlets, well known chemists with there meal deals and other fast food chains. 
I think a lot of my weight is due to my inability to stop eating. 

Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?

I don't consider myself healthy, I have health issues. Some which might be helped by losing weight. I know I'm not fit but I I don't think anyone has ever said to me you seem unhealthy are you?

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you're at? Have they always been?

My dad never says anything either way, my mum used to say things but not in a "you need to lose weight" more I want to lose weight. We're gonna eat healthy food from now on. 
My gran often tries to bribe me into losing weight, £1 for a 1lb or lose a stone and i'll buy you a dress, It gets my back up and I gain weight when she does it, even if I am in a I want to lose weight phase. I work full time I can buy my own dress. 
Cutting my nose off to spite my face as she would say.

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people?

I think plus size retailers have a hard time of it, there are more of them around now than ever before, but reading comments on facebook pages such as Evans, Yours Clother et al and Fat Women have no idea what we want. 
They make it loud, bright, short, sleeveless, long sleeves, wild pattern, plain, long, young, more mature, cheap, expensive, cotton, linen, nylon, bodycon, loose and flowing - you name it there is pretty much everyone of these things listed in a plus size shop / section but someone always complains. 
How the buyers and designers actually manage to get any clothes out amazes me. 
We all know you can't please all of the people all of the time but from these comments there seems to be no pleasing any of them.
Retailers make all these things make none of them. 
For me I like bright colours, No sleeves, knee length, medium high neck, jersey fabric. 
I have no shortage of clothes in my wardrobe, I seem to have gone off on a tangent most unlike me. 
My biggest bugbear is not being able to find the range of clothes in the shops themselves. I like instant access to things. I don't want to pay for delivery and I don't want to wait 5 days for delivery. I want to go to a shop try on and buy.
Also tidy your plus size sections and don't use them as a  dumping ground for all the crap you can't be arsed putting away properly (New Look, i'm looking at you!) 
Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?

I don't really know more than 2 plus sized men. (I must do?!) I don't even know how to define a plus sized man. 
Do you think there’s an assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you respond to it? 
I think there are stereotypes about every type of person in this world. As humans we like to put a label on things, compartmentalise people and things to make it easier for us to understand. 
Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight? 
No, it's none of your business. If they ask for help and advise and they are a close friend it might be different but unless you are their doctor and have medical proof then it isn't your concern. 
What are the worst things people have said to you about your body?

It's fat (err yep round of applause), it's ugly, i'm ugly, I can't be a nicer person because I don't have a nice body.
I get a lot of abuse shouted at me from passing cars while i'm waiting at bus stops, or from kids walking past.

After drinking about 2 bottles of cava and lots of beer someone patted my stomach and asked me my due date! 
How did you respond?
It depends on the situations, I stick two fingers up at passing cars,  put my head down and carry on walking.
With the woman who patted my stomach (we were at a baby shower) I just said I'm not pregnant I'm fat and stormed out. Sadly they were having a lift in the same car as me so the effect was lost a bit! 
What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
Most of my compliments come from close friends and other bloggers, I don't really have an extended network of people around me. 
The odd compliment is nice but one to may can seem insincere.
Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?
No not really, my friendship group has people of all dress sizes.

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all?

Yes, I don't have one at all.

When you've been single, has your weight affected your dating life?
I am always single, I am the single friend! 
I think from when we first started  pubbing and clubbing I have always been the fat friend. I sat back and observed lads playing the fat bird game and it really knocked me. I don't trust anyone on a night out. If a guy speaks to me it's for one reason he is playing the game and I can't get over that.

Do you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?

NA

Do you feel weird if he's only dated slimmer women before you?
NA
As much as it pains me not to answer any questions on this, I don't have anything to contribute to the last two questions. 

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10 comments

  1. You are beautiful you need to accept that sometimes guys want to talk to you because they see that! Xxx

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  2. Okay, this is hands down my favourite of all the cosmo responses. So honest and thought provoking. xx

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  3. First of all Steph I want to send you a hug as it made me quite sad in a way to read your answers on dating and men. It's such a shame that you can't seem to trust men since you've had bad experiences in the past. Trust me, not all men are bastards. There are good men out there and I'm sure if you take a look and maybe give someone a chance, maybe you will find love.

    I loved your honesty and I can't believe how anyone can say that you can't be nice since you're not slim. You are a lovely person that I appreciate a lot. Can't wait to meet you in person so I can give you a big hug. xxxx

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  4. It's terrible isn't it that people think they have the right to judge and question others because of what they look like. Makes my blood boil!

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  5. Interesting post, some very thought provoking questions, is interesting to read through different peoples answers.

    Mama Undone |Tiaras & Prozac

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  6. Thank you, I know, it's something really need to work on x

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  7. Thank you so much for your comment, it really made me smile x

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  8. Thank you lovely, your comment made my day xxx

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  9. It is and I think some people need to think before they act, thinking something and saying it out loud is a massive leap and if someone said they same to them i;m sure they wouldn't be impressed.

    thanks x

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  10. It's very interesting, I still need to read all the other answers. I think Claire is going to analyse the results and maybe do an over all post on it which i think will be interesting reading

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I love reading all your comments, so make sure you leave me one x

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