Paranoia reigns supreme

Sunday, March 08, 2015

I don't know where to begin. I don't know what I feel or how I feel but I need this ramble.

I get terrible paranoia.  I always have and I can recognise it but it still makes me feel shit about myself.

At the start of the year I sat down and decided I wanted to blog more. I set myself up a schedule and got in to a routine. I started scheduling tweets and fb messages to promote my posts. I try to engage more and chat more. Use hash tags and feel like I was engaging with people. 

Last weekend I set myself a challenge to try and join in twitter chats and had some really good chats and followed some new people.  One or two chats I got distracted and only participated a bit.

Mid week I read a post about how someone didn't like things in general and I felt it could have been written about me. I'm sure it wasn't but some of the don't were.

Scheduling links - I work full time I can't be on line constantly. I generally schedule about 4-6 posts each that I write out. Have you seen today's post etc etc I try and mix it up and  If I get a response to it I reply shortly afterwards. I never get much engagement so when I go I'm yay someone read something! 

Twitter chats - I love chatting and if me chatting is clogging up your timeline unfollow me / mute me. Tell me I'm bugging you.

Twitter chats to link dump - I feel like I did this but I chatted for 35 mins got distracted came back apologised. Gave my link and asked for links. Maybe I shouldn't do chats?
Hash tags - I usually forget to use them. If I do I keep them relevant and I do search hsshtags myself do why shouldn't I use them.

Quantity over quality - hmm I'm torn on this as I have been daily blogging. Maybe that's too much . But you know me I  have to say.

To top my paranoia off there us unrest in a number of fb groups I'm in. I feel like I'm to blame.  Not sure why but reading some of the posts in a number of groups across a number of blog genres makes me want to close my blog down.  Delete every social media account I've got and sit under my duvet crying and rocking.

I'm an eternal fence sitter. I don't like something I'll ignore it. Hide from it. Run from it.

We can't all like all things. I know that but this weekend has felt shit,  I don't know if I want to be part of this anymore. 

I don't even know what I'm trying to say.  I think I might have a week or at least  a couple of days off then see how I feel.

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  1. Steph I'm sure none of the unrest in the bloggers groups is anything to do with you. Where any group of people gather online or IRL there's always going to be a bit of jealousy or conflict, but it'll all blow over. It always does.

    Personally I think there's room for 2 plus size blogger groups - it doesn't have to be a case of 'taking sides' - and there are loads of region-specific or blog type-specific groups on FB so it's just another group to me. I'm in both groups because I like to read what people are up to, even if I don't often comment. I know people in both groups and see it as more choice of places to visit online, rather than a big division in the community.

    I've seen a couple of vague statuses on FB about the way things are at the moment. I wish in some cases people would name names and have done with it as vague posts make everyone wonder if it's about them! In the past I've grumbled vaguely on Facebook without thinking it through and ended up upsetting people who were never even in my mind when I ranted, so I stopped doing it and am happier for it. I bet those people who made those statuses had no idea you'd end up feeling this way - they probably thought the people who the posts were aimed at would know who it's meant for. But as I found out to my cost it's often the people you'd never want to hurt in a million years who think the vague moaning is about them, and that can wreck friendships. xx

  2. Steph, I know I'm a newbie blogger and I don't always have the time to participate in things as much as I like, but I'd really like you to know how much I enjoy your blog. And it's all parts of it, from your outfits, your Slimmers World journey, books, empties etc. For me personally you write about the sort of stuff that interests me and I always check in to see to what you've updated. I saw the upset online too and it made me sad (and for a bit did make me think it could have been about my little blog too). Just remember all the people out there that love what you do and look after yourself xx

  3. First of all I send you lots of virtual hugs.There is a lot of unrest in blogger land at the moment and I must admit that over the weekend I felt like running for the hills and started to question if I want to continue. Sometimes a mini break from everything blog related is needed for you to gather your thoughts and often it gives time for situations or feelings to blow over and be forgotten about. With regards to things like hashtags I use them all time for searching and in my tweets etc, I see them as a way to connect everything and for me they are really useful. I also schedule tweets as do lots of other people as lets face it when you have a full time day job how else can you do it?

    Sorry for rambling!!! I hope you feel better soon and if necessary take a break and then see how you feel but I for one would really miss you and your blog xxx

  4. FUCK THEM! Write your blog for YOU! It's fab!

  5. Hi thanks for commenting. It wasn't even the PS group that set me off it was stuff written by another blogger who set me off then shi1t hit the fan in the rest of blog world and it just made me feel like cr@p.

    I love everyone i interact with but i'm just in a bad place and it sent me over the edge. I don't really feel like I fit in.

    I've been reading all the share the love threads in the groups and it's not even bringing a smile to my face just making me feel more isolated. I don't feel like I have the connections with other bloggers that a lot of people do.

    I feel I don't fit in because I blog a bit of everything and feel like the more i go on the more i'm isolating myself or p!ssing people off or shouldn't be doing things.

    I'm not going to stop but I might leave all the groups I'm in and just rejoin the ones I'm finding I'm missing after a week or so.

    I know the majority of what i'm feeling / doing is inside me and not real in the outside world but I don't know how else to process it.

    wow that was a long reply!!

  6. Thank you for your lovely comment. I just feel meh and blah about everything atm.

    I really don't feel like I fit in anywhere or have the connections other people have with othe bloggers.

    I know the majority of this is in my head but i feel like I'm making it worse by being around it.

    think I need some time out. I'm still going to blog but I think I might leave all the groups and have a break from it all as it really isn't helping my state of mind right now x

  7. Thank you. I am feeling a lot better than I was when I wrote the post and I'm not going to stop blogging as I love it.

    I feel like I'm isolating myself and that I don't really fit in anywhere atm.

    I think I might need a break for facebook and all the groups i'm x

  8. Thanks, feeling much better just need to find my own place in blog land I think x

  9. I'm sure you're not pissing anyone off. It's normally the big outspoken characters who ruffle feathers and you're not like that. Obviously you have some stuff to work through on your own re: your issues, but you know where I am if you ever need anyone to talk to. xxx

  10. Thanks Leah, and I'm feeling so much love and support from everyone.

    I feel 100 times better than I did even at lunch time.

    I've realised my paranoia has come from hormones. I'm been so all over the place for the last few years with my PCOS I recognised I was being paranoia but not where it came from it that makes any sense.

    About 3pm my chin exploded in spots and my mood lifted ten fold.

    I'm coming back as a neutered house cat in my next life!!!

  11. Hahaha! I might just join you in that. Boo naughty hormones! Glad you're feeling better though!


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