I Wanna Tell You How I'm Feeling

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Gotta make you understand...

Errr have I just quoted Rick Astley, maybe, kinda yeah.

I've just come home from The Curve Fashion Festival in Liverpool. Well not just got home it's now 1am and I'm to tired to go up to bed.

Today has been amazing, it was so good to be surrounded by other fats. I felt so much love and support and it's so great to be part of that community again.

I've partitioned myself off from it for a while, I've left a lot of facebook groups. Stepped back from interactions on social media. Not totally, I still send the odd message here and there but not to the extent I once did.

No one made me feel liked I needed to do that. I just did it. I can't really remember what was going on at the time but there was something. There is always something when you get a large amount of people who seem like minded and have strong opinions in one small space (The internet) occasionally views crash, things happen and it gets heated. I've said a million times I'm a fence sitter. I don't take sides and I often don't share my opinions fully. I like to bob along in my bubble and when I feel like that bubble is going to pop I flee.

Because I'd stepped back I was so worried about going today, would people talk to me, would anyone be pleased to see me.

My anxiety about travelling by train was through the roof. I don't know what it is about trains but I hate them. I hate that my ticket says all permitted routes. I hate that they announce as the train is about to departs if you have such a ticket you can't travel on that train(Is that my ticket?).

I've been to Liverpool a few times by train and I know where I'm going and from Victoria it's only 30 mins. It takes me that long if not longer to get from home to work by Tram each day so why are trains so different.

My worry was unnecessary, I missed my train. It was fine no need to worry there was another one in an hour. I talked myself through it.

I met Sam and Nikee at the station and at the venue I was fine. A bit het up but everyone was so lovely, the first person who stopped me was someone I didn't know and she said she watched my YouTube videos! Yay, they only get 30- 50 views so to meet a viewer I didn't know was amazing.

I also got plenty of hugs and reassurances, Em supplied me with perfume. Kate & Sarah proved  excellent photo booth buddies. I didn't get any selfies but I got photobooth pictures which is worth it's weight in gold (I got lots they weigh quite a bit).

Confidence seems to be lacking when it comes to events, but I managed to tell a few brands I was a blogger. Gave out more blog cards than ever before. I even managed to speak to Simply Be to say that'd I'd accidentally deleted an email from them (or their SEO company) just before I deleted my deleted items and could't remember their name. They were lovely. I doubt they will be in touch but I'm proud of myself for mentioning it.

I also think my style and my blog are a bit standard. There are a lot of PS Bloggers who have been round for a lot less time than me who are really successful at it and while I wish them every success at it. I'd like to find me niche, be a little bit cooler, have a little bit more time to dedicate to blogging. Just be a bit more confident about it all.

I'm struggling words to express what a boost today has given me and this post wasn't going in the direction I originally intended it to.

Thank you to everyone who said hello to me, for every hug you gave I meant 100 times more to me than you will ever know. I felt so welcomed when I felt like I might be excluded.

There were a few people who didn't look at me or give me the time of day, I regret not taking pictures with people as now I'm home I'm loving seeing all the selfies but I always regret that I've become accustomed to it now. I wish I'd batisted my hair midway through the day as by 4pm I looked a mess.

Over all I had a fabulous day and feel inspired to carry on blogging and I might even do some fashion posts!

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